It’s been over a week since I’ve posted. The previous days have not been easy ones -- especially today, a sad two-week anniversary -- but I’m doing my best to cope. I’ve left the house exactly twice – once to drive downtown to the pet hospital to pick up Terra and bring her home, forever, and once to the grand opening of a local bakery. My son’s girlfriend asked that I go as the bakery is owned by the parents of one of her friends, and I promised her I would attend their opening day. I thought it would be crowded and I wouldn’t have to interact with anyone, but we got there early in the day and the place was almost empty. But I survived, bought goodies and came home.
I did have one odd experience here at home, one I won’t go into but which prompted the captain to say, “Perhaps you have a guardian angel who doesn’t like to see you cry.” It gave me pause for thought and I think he's right. It's certainly a comforting thought.
I am trying to wrap my head around the fact that my sorrow doesn’t help anyone, especially me as I know I’ve suffered physically because of this. And my sorrow won’t bring Terra back. I have to learn how to combine missing her so much, which makes me sad, with all the happy memories, which make me smile -- and somehow mesh the two together and learn to live with both. It’s taking time, but I have time.
But not a lot of time for Christmas this year. There are gifts to be bought and wrapped, a tree to decorate. I have to get it done and so next week will be a whirlwind. It likely will do me good to get caught up in a whirlwind though.