Despair and distraction, grief and gratitude

I can’t lie; I’m a mess. We came home from the pet hospital Friday evening last week and I’ve not ventured outside since. I don’t want to. This is very rough and I know I have to allow myself to grieve, in my own way and on my own time. I’m just not ready to put on a brave face and rejoin the world, not yet. We asked that Terra be cremated and the ashes returned to us, so until she comes home, finally and forever, I don’t think I will start to feel any closure. I can distract myself with television and the internet, but each day is a bad day. I weighed myself last night and I have lost weight. The grief diet, I guess. Every day though, I feel more and more gratitude for having had the privilege of having Terra in my life and our family; she was so special. And I’m very thankful she went through no prolonged suffering. She had such a happy life. I also want to say thank you to all those who have expressed their sorrow to us and have offered us kindness and comfort in the past several days.